Friday's Forecast: Sunny, with Apocalypse

Seriously, according to Weather.com, it looks like tornadoes all week, finally culminating in a "severely" sunny day:

Dear Jeff Mathis: You are hitting .192. STFU.

So Jeff Mathis has been riding the pine an awful lot lately, and apparently he is not pleased. I think that believing in yourself and your ability is an admirable quality, but seriously...Jeff, you are hitting .192. And your career average is .199. You had no business starting ahead of Mike Napoli, ever.

"But Eugene," you say, "surely the runs he saves with his glove outweigh the putridness of his contributions with the bat." I think that's the conventional wisdom, but oops, by at least one measure, that's not true.

Farewell, Manny Ramirez

For the record, I never really ever liked the guy, but I don't get all the Manny-bashing as he departs. Sure, you can get on him for the cheating and the loafing, but what is it with bashing professional athletes for caring only about the money?

When you're not a celebrity, for some reason it's okay to think only about the money. Any job advice board will tell you that you shouldn't feel any loyalty to your company or department team because they won't show any loyalty to you when job cut time rolls around. While there may be some truth to that, it appalls me that people nowadays think nothing of using their current office's computer and equipment to look for new jobs, or leaving holes in big projects to jump to new positions on 2 days notice. What an egregious double standard.

I heard a lot of the same thing when Albert Pujols was negotiating this past offseason with the Cardinals. "God, I hope he's not selfish and in it for just the money!" What else would he be in it for? He's already got a title. The fucking nanosecond he starts struggling all the fans will turn on him and write stupid Bleacher Report articles about how the Cards should have signed Adam Dunn.

Of course, we hold celebrities to a higher standard than we do for ourselves. Why? Because we all need something to bash in people who are superior to us socially and financially.

The Verdict on the Nintendo 3DS: It's Very Ugly

So I picked up the 3DS the other day and thought I'd jot down a few thoughts about Nintendo's new device.

First of all, it's much smaller than you think it's going to be. Judging by the size of the box, you'd think it was a netbook or something; alas, the system only takes up one vertical third of the packaging. In reality, it looks and feels comparable to the size of the old DS Lite. I would compare them directly, except I traded my DS Lite in for credit towards this bad boy. As you pull the system out of the foam bag, one thing is immediately apparent - the horrible, horrible two-tone died-in-the-eighties spray paint gradient color scheme on the top of the Cosmo Black variant that reminds me of a softball bat:



Further examination of the device makes me uneasy. Granted, I am an acolyte at the church of Dieter Rams, so I have an unusually acute need for symmetry and cleanness, but this thing is a trainwreck of industrial design. There are three "layers" to the system and none of their edges are flush with each other. Looking from the side:



It doesn't get any better when you look at it from the front either:



Finally, the coup de grace, the full side shot:



I'm not kidding, this system looks like one of those hodgepodge shoddily constructed pre-sale test prototypes that surface every once in a while. I'm particularly confused as to why they didn't just extend all the edges so that they lined up flush with the wider lid panel. It wouldn't have caused the system to take up more space than it already does; any case or pocket wide enough to accommodate the lid should also be able to accommodate an extension of the other two panels.

Open it up and it looks like a DS with an analog nub (large, covered in rubber, and far superior to the one on the original PSP) and bigger screens. I love the feel of the buttons - they're the perfect middle ground between the original DS (too clicky and no throw) and the DS Lite (too spongy).

The 3D effect is very cool, and if you've ever seen one of those Magic Eye posters, you'll be familiar with the eye acrobatics that are necessary. However, this method of stereoscopic 3D makes the image quality overly dependent on your ability to keep the visual sweet spot of focus and distance and position. Any variance among any of these variables can make the image break down completely, and that happens a lot. In fact, the AR augmented reality games that come built-in force you to move a targeting reticle by MOVING THE SYSTEM ITSELF. I could type a thousand words here about how hard it is to keep the 3D image focused while the system's slowass camera struggles to keep up with you, but I'll just say two: It sucks. And one more: Hard.

The sound, however, is fantastic, perhaps the best I've ever heard in a portable.

I only have one game, Rayman 3D, and while it's a passable title, the 3D effects are both unnecessary and sloppy. You can tell where they tried to apply the 3D with care and where they mailed it in. Generally, while you're running around the levels, things are good. During cutscenes, I don't think they did anything but just double the exact same image. During those times I see a lot of "ghosting" around the characters and it tires my eyes out. The game in general gains so little from 3D that I prefer to turn the effect off and save my eyeballs the thrashing. And then what do you have? A 12 year old Nintendo 64 game.

But I know someone will do something phenomenal with this system, I really do. Because right now, I kind of hate it, and that bodes well for its future. For the record, at release, I also hated the DS, the PS2, and the Game Boy Advance, while I loved the Lynx, the Saturn, and absolutely adored the Gamecube.

At any rate, go ahead and wait for the 3DS Lite. They've left a lot of room for improvement.