New Show Pitch: Thin

I was watching TV the other day and I saw a commercial for a show ("Huge") devoted entirely to fatness. Is that really necessary? For a while I sympathized about the prejudices faced by fat people, but now I'm not sympathetic, because EVERYONE IS FAT NOW. A whopping 68% of Americans over 20 are either overweight or obese. So who exactly is prejudiced against you? That's like complaining about discrimination against white people in Iceland.

Now a show about being skinny, that's an idea that's just waiting to pop. Because being skinny isn't all rainbows and unicorns. It's hard to buy clothes that are cut for fat people. Contact sports at the collegiate level aren't really an option if you weigh under 150 pounds. I can't wear most watches because they look like sundials hanging off my wrist, which is frequently described as "dainty."

I did gain about 5 or 6 pounds in college from forcing myself to eat when I was already full and drinking liquid meals for snacks, but that got to be so burdensome that I went back to eating when I wanted to eat and I dropped back to my natural weight. The truth is, men are supposed to be fat, and every time someone tells me I need to eat more, I feel like less of one.

Well, There's No Nice Way to Say It: Radio Shack Sucks

All three of you who have been following my blog know that I've spent the last few weeks looking for that one perfect cell phone to get myself locked into for the next two years. Initially, I thought it might be the HTC Evo. Here is the sordid story.

Just prior to the Evo's release, you could only pre-order it at two retailers: Best Buy and Radio Shack. I opted for Radio Shack because it was near my workplace and because they were offering $20 off accessories with the pre-order. I went in and put down the required $50 deposit.

When I went in the next week to pick it up, the associate working with me was absolutely clueless about the whole thing, despite the launch being possibly the biggest thing to happen at Radio Shack ever. Initially she even insisted that my deposit towards the phone has to be used to purchase extra accessories. We argued back and forth until her co-worker confirmed that the deposit towards the phone can actually be used for the phone.

I filled out the paperwork, paid, and the associate proceeded to open the phone, at which point I stopped her and asked if I could take the phone now and open it and activate it myself. I was told that it HAD to be activated in the store. I understand that, but I don't see why they couldn't give it to me to do it myself. I winced as the girl pried open the plastic around the phone with a pair of scissors and did nothing except turn the phone on and declare it "activated." Okay.

Eventually, my Evo developed a patch of black pixels in the bottom corner of the screen, so I took it back to RS to exchange it. They told me that I could not return it or exchange it because I must have obviously dropped it. I hadn't, and there was no visible physical damage to the phone. I can understand that they can't be certain, but please, I'm not an idiot. If I really wanted to make a fraudulent return, I would have bricked the phone by unplugging it in the middle of a firmware update and claimed that it just stopped powering on. I called Sprint and they informed me that since I bought the phone at Radio Shack, they couldn't send me a replacement either. In fact, they are apparently powerless to do anything if you don't buy the phone directly from them.

I had purchased the insurance and I filed a claim, minus a $100 deductible, and I was shipped a brand new phone, which I didn't open. I went to take the new phone back to Radio Shack and cancel my service. If you don't return the handset to them after cancelling service, they charge you $200, but you know where this is going. They refused to take the new phone back because the serial number didn't match the one I'd originally bought from them. I understand the reasoning for that policy, so you don't buy a new phone and bring back an old, used one, but in this case, I was bringing back a NEW phone. Can we ONCE look past the letter of the policy and apply its principle instead? I called Sprint again and they were useless. I don't know why I bother. Honestly, if they care that little while I'm still in my evaluation period, I shudder to think what it will be like when I'm locked into a contract with them.

So now I'm selling the phone on eBay and eating RS's $200 fee. So enjoy my money, Radio Shack. I hope you go bankrupt.

Why I Fear Facetime

Of course it's never an Asian GUY and a white chick

One of the big selling points of the new iPhone 4 is the video chat program Facetime. Of course, everyone will assume that Apple invented video chat, which they most assuredly did not, but just like that thing about people only using ten percent of their brains or shaving hair makes it grow back thicker, the belief is going to take root and flourish anyway. I took my Evo into the iPhone line and people were positively amazed that it was already doing video chat. Poorly, yes, and maybe that's where Apple distinguishes itself, but everyone believed that video chat was an Apple innovation. In fact, people were really impressed with Sprint and the Evo, until our line advanced three steps forward and my 3G cut out, followed closely by my battery dying. Baby steps, I guess.

But anyway, I am dreading the day that everyone has an i4, because then I will be expected to video chat. You can't be like, "Yeah, I've got an iPhone 4, and you've got an iPhone 4, so let's have a regular phone conversation." No no no. I mean, I suppose it's cool if you're stationed in Iraq and you want to see your kid or something, but for everyday interactions, I prefer audio-only. That way I can mute the handset and use the bathroom or quickly Google a synopsis of a book I'm pretending to have read. But in this brave new world, it's all over. Flipping through a magazine? Out. Picking your nose? Verboten. Rolling your eyes? Offensive.

It's interesting how quickly social norms have been forced to evolve due to cellular technology; when I got my first cell phone, I just could not bring myself to converse over the phone in public, but now it feels pretty normal. And it was a weird feeling to be constantly "on call." I think that's the paradigm that's changed the most - people are always expected to be connected nowadays. Today, if you can't get in touch with someone for more than an hour, you can pretty much assume they're dead or ignoring you (or if it's me, I probably left my phone in my car or my office and since nobody ever calls me anyway, I didn't notice it was missing).