All I Want For Christmas is Fluuuuu....Shots

Sometimes, when I go to an Asian barber (and it's always only the Asian ones, for some reason), they'll shave my neck and sideburns with an old-fashioned straight razor, and I've always loved the "cshhh" sound it makes as it slices through my hair and arteries. So lately, I've devoted myself to the religion of wetshaving - using an old-school double edge safety razor, applying the cream with the badger hair brush, etc. As an added benefit, after an initially expensive outlay, the cost per shave goes down immensely compared to the ridiculously overpriced 12-blade cartridge style razors.

I bought the brush and the cream a while ago, but it wasn't until today that I received my NOS 1970's Gillette Super Speed razor handle in the mail. I decided that I probably shouldn't use the 40 year old blades included in the package, so I dropped by Walgreens to pick up a set of their crappy generic blades, and I was met by this sign (yes I know I'm inside the store; it's the same on both sides):



Now look, I'm not an ingrate. My parents have shafted me out of so many gifts through the years that I really do appreciate anything. Socks, underwear, whatever. But even I have to admit that this one would really be a reach for me. "Merry Christmas Billy! It's a gift card for your flu shots! Why are you crying, Billy?"

I used to think a CVS gift card was the silliest idea conceived by man (again, not because I'm ungrateful, but if someone needs contact lens solution, just buy them contact lens solution); now I'm not so sure.

Anyway, I got my Walgreens razor blades and clamped one into my Super Speed and went to work - not without some trepidation, I might add. And boy, was it fantastic. It took a lot longer and you have to do it with the utmost care, lest you slice your carotid artery, but it felt great and gave me one of the closest shaves I've ever had. And there's just something so artisanal about it, like the difference between driving stick and driving an automatic. Most people will tell you that the first DE shave is going to be a mess, but I have a built-in advantage: I have about three facial hairs.

They're not even all in the same place, but patchily distributed everywhere. Ironically, I have to be MORE vigilant about shaving than someone who has densely distributed facial hair, because I don't grow a sexy 5 o'clock shadow. Mine grows like I'm a burn victim, one patch on my cheek, one patch under my nose, a patch on my neck, etc...not real attractive. When I let it grow out I look like a Mexican high school boy just starting puberty.