I ran across this gem from People Magazine just this past December:
CHRIS BROWN, 19 YOUNG AND HAVING FUN
STATUS: Dating Rihanna, 20, since early '08.
IN TUNE: With their romance now public, the singers love to cuddle at clubs. She's "down-to-earth, real cool," Brown says. But he shoots down rumors they're cohabiting: "I'm 19! I don't want to move in with anybody yet." CHRIS'S BOYFRIEND RATING: [3 hearts]
BOYFRIEND RATING
STAY AWAY [Broken Heart]
DATE AT YOUR OWN RISK [2 hearts]
HE'S A KEEPER [3 hearts]
MARRY HIM! [4 hearts]
3 Hearts, wow! I guess you only lose 1 for beating up your girlfriend.
I know there was no way they could have known, but the point is, these articles are useless. And damaging to real people, who start to expect perfection from each other based on a 30 minute snapshot of two celebrities cuddling in Club La Vela. Let's start appreciating that everyone is, at times, both a great partner and a douche.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
eBay's 5 Free Insertion Fees Scam
Did you know that eBay thinks you are a retard? Why else do they think you’d rather have $0.15 than $7.00?
So I got the annual itch last week to upgrade my computer, and Micro Center is having a killer sale on CPUs, so I decided to take the plunge and sell some of my old parts on FeeBay. Now, I’ve never been a huge fan of eBay, but I mean, you know, it gets the job done. I’m usually able to find obscure things that I can’t locally, and the relatively few times I’ve sold anything I’ve mostly had a decent experience. Even through the myriad fee increases I didn’t really complain.
But now, eBay has outdone even its own evil money-grubbing self. The site is currently promoting “5 Free Insertion Fees Every 30 Days,” which sounds appealing, but is actually a very friendly sounding way of telling you that they’re about to bend you over and jam a stick in your ass. A knobby one too.
Under eBay’s normal fee structure, you pay an insertion fee based on your starting or reserve price, a fee that starts at $0.10 and maxes out at $4.00. Then when your item sells, you are assessed a Final Value Fee based on the sale price, normally 8.75% of the first $25.00 ($2.19 max), 3.5% of any remaining portion from $25.01-$1,000 ($34.13 max), and then 1.5% of anything still remaining over $1,000.
So I sold a processor for $162.99. I should have been assessed a $0.15 insertion fee, and $7.02 in Final Value Fees for a total of $7.17.
Of course, eBay, in its infinite Godlike benevolent kindness, extended to me a free insertion fee. Under the terms of the “promotion,” the Final Value Fee formula changes to a flat 8.75% (max $20). So instead of paying $7.17, I was assessed a fee of $14.26! In return for kindly waiving $0.15, they charged me an extra $7.24.
Unfortunately, I didn’t see where I could decline the “promotion.” You may not see it either. You know why? Because you can’t—unless you “list your item and end it early then relist it 5 times”:
You will always come out worse off under the “promotion” for anything you sell that closes at $448 or below, which means just about everybody is worse off. I’m not sure I’ve ever sold anything for more than that.
The only way to get around the promotion, I have since found (other than our helpful CSR’s plan here), is to use a third-party lister. Of course, they obviously won't come out and tell you.
Fuck you, eBay. If you want to charge higher fees, fine, but hiding it in a "promotion" is just plain douchebag, pure and simple.
So I got the annual itch last week to upgrade my computer, and Micro Center is having a killer sale on CPUs, so I decided to take the plunge and sell some of my old parts on FeeBay. Now, I’ve never been a huge fan of eBay, but I mean, you know, it gets the job done. I’m usually able to find obscure things that I can’t locally, and the relatively few times I’ve sold anything I’ve mostly had a decent experience. Even through the myriad fee increases I didn’t really complain.
But now, eBay has outdone even its own evil money-grubbing self. The site is currently promoting “5 Free Insertion Fees Every 30 Days,” which sounds appealing, but is actually a very friendly sounding way of telling you that they’re about to bend you over and jam a stick in your ass. A knobby one too.
Under eBay’s normal fee structure, you pay an insertion fee based on your starting or reserve price, a fee that starts at $0.10 and maxes out at $4.00. Then when your item sells, you are assessed a Final Value Fee based on the sale price, normally 8.75% of the first $25.00 ($2.19 max), 3.5% of any remaining portion from $25.01-$1,000 ($34.13 max), and then 1.5% of anything still remaining over $1,000.
So I sold a processor for $162.99. I should have been assessed a $0.15 insertion fee, and $7.02 in Final Value Fees for a total of $7.17.
Of course, eBay, in its infinite Godlike benevolent kindness, extended to me a free insertion fee. Under the terms of the “promotion,” the Final Value Fee formula changes to a flat 8.75% (max $20). So instead of paying $7.17, I was assessed a fee of $14.26! In return for kindly waiving $0.15, they charged me an extra $7.24.
Unfortunately, I didn’t see where I could decline the “promotion.” You may not see it either. You know why? Because you can’t—unless you “list your item and end it early then relist it 5 times”:
You will always come out worse off under the “promotion” for anything you sell that closes at $448 or below, which means just about everybody is worse off. I’m not sure I’ve ever sold anything for more than that.
The only way to get around the promotion, I have since found (other than our helpful CSR’s plan here), is to use a third-party lister. Of course, they obviously won't come out and tell you.
Fuck you, eBay. If you want to charge higher fees, fine, but hiding it in a "promotion" is just plain douchebag, pure and simple.
Monday, July 27, 2009
WTF, Brain
So I've been having this one recurring dream on a fairly consistent basis. I'm back in high school or college, and it's anywhere from 1 to 14 days until my final exam, usually in some kind of math class, and I suddenly realize that I haven't actually ever attended the class.
I have actually felt that way once in my life...during my senior year in high school, for the second semester I caught an especially vicious strain of senioritis and for a couple of weeks there I really had no idea what was going on in Calculus. I never had a strong grasp anyway, but for those couple of weeks I literally knew nothing. Of course I had to cram up before finals and I passed, but that has to be the most unsettling feeling there is.
I think my final exam dreams + the dreams I have about snakes + the dreams I have about my teeth falling out comprise roughly 75% of all the dreams I have. What bullshit. If my head contained even two functional brain cells to rub together, it would create me dreams about threesomes every night. To this day I've had about 1,700 dreams about snakes and 0 threesomes. Someone just shoot me.
I have actually felt that way once in my life...during my senior year in high school, for the second semester I caught an especially vicious strain of senioritis and for a couple of weeks there I really had no idea what was going on in Calculus. I never had a strong grasp anyway, but for those couple of weeks I literally knew nothing. Of course I had to cram up before finals and I passed, but that has to be the most unsettling feeling there is.
I think my final exam dreams + the dreams I have about snakes + the dreams I have about my teeth falling out comprise roughly 75% of all the dreams I have. What bullshit. If my head contained even two functional brain cells to rub together, it would create me dreams about threesomes every night. To this day I've had about 1,700 dreams about snakes and 0 threesomes. Someone just shoot me.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
WTF, Tim McCarver
So I'm watching the All-Star Game and President Obama is in the broadcast booth. He asks the inevitable question--why has the American League been so dominant for the past 12 years in All Star Game play? Joe Buck points to Tim McCarver, who then opens his mouth and farts out one of the dumbest statements I've ever heard from the broadcast booth:
"Because of the DH."
He must have immediately realized that there is no DH in NL parks, because he quickly mumbled that even in NL parks the lineups are better or something like that. Notwithstanding the fact that in AL parks, the NL would also get a DH, I can't even begin to think about how senile you have to be to think that's the reason for 12 straight AL wins.
Incidentally, the second dumbest (or if not dumbest, most poorly timed) statement I've ever heard from the broadcast booth was also from Tim McCarver, who during the 2005 World Series was commenting on Brad Lidge's shaky outing in the NLCS (when he gave up a home run to Albert Pujols that still hasn't landed yet) and declaring "I don't think that [bad] taste is still there" literally a split second before he grooved a pitch that Scott Podsednik, of all people, knocked out of the park.
BONUS TIM MCCARVER COVERAGE:
I'm not sure if Tim meant to say that Shane Victorino is the only current position player in the majors from Hawaii or the only position player, ever, but he'd be wrong on both counts. Benny Agbayani was a position player from Hawaii, and so is active catcher Kurt Suzuki.
"Because of the DH."
He must have immediately realized that there is no DH in NL parks, because he quickly mumbled that even in NL parks the lineups are better or something like that. Notwithstanding the fact that in AL parks, the NL would also get a DH, I can't even begin to think about how senile you have to be to think that's the reason for 12 straight AL wins.
Incidentally, the second dumbest (or if not dumbest, most poorly timed) statement I've ever heard from the broadcast booth was also from Tim McCarver, who during the 2005 World Series was commenting on Brad Lidge's shaky outing in the NLCS (when he gave up a home run to Albert Pujols that still hasn't landed yet) and declaring "I don't think that [bad] taste is still there" literally a split second before he grooved a pitch that Scott Podsednik, of all people, knocked out of the park.
BONUS TIM MCCARVER COVERAGE:
I'm not sure if Tim meant to say that Shane Victorino is the only current position player in the majors from Hawaii or the only position player, ever, but he'd be wrong on both counts. Benny Agbayani was a position player from Hawaii, and so is active catcher Kurt Suzuki.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Biggest Fantasy Regrets, Midseason Edition
Usually I spend this time bitching about how half the players on the All-Star roster don't deserve to be there, but this year I actually don't have much to complain about...I don't even mind Jeter being there this year (Josh Hamilton, though, is another story).
So instead, I'm going to spend this time going over my biggest regrets thus far in fantasy baseball this year. And there are a lot of them, but here are the top 3.
1. Drafting Alfonso Soriano - Evidently, pitchers finally found out the secret to getting Soriano out this year--stop throwing him fastballs, because he just can't hit anything else.
2. Not picking up Ben Zobrist - At one point more than a month ago, I had my mouse cursor hovering over Zobrist with the intention of picking him up to fill the gigantic hole I had at 2B. I decided not to because I wasn't sure he'd have steady playing time, but then Iwamura went down for the season and now his 17 HRs and 11 steals are cooking on someone else's roster.
3. Spending too much on catchers - Even if you have a good catcher, they miss so many ABs that their impact in comparison to lesser-rated catchers is smaller than you'd think.
So instead, I'm going to spend this time going over my biggest regrets thus far in fantasy baseball this year. And there are a lot of them, but here are the top 3.
1. Drafting Alfonso Soriano - Evidently, pitchers finally found out the secret to getting Soriano out this year--stop throwing him fastballs, because he just can't hit anything else.
2. Not picking up Ben Zobrist - At one point more than a month ago, I had my mouse cursor hovering over Zobrist with the intention of picking him up to fill the gigantic hole I had at 2B. I decided not to because I wasn't sure he'd have steady playing time, but then Iwamura went down for the season and now his 17 HRs and 11 steals are cooking on someone else's roster.
3. Spending too much on catchers - Even if you have a good catcher, they miss so many ABs that their impact in comparison to lesser-rated catchers is smaller than you'd think.
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