Famous Alumni

Universities (and even high schools) often publish long lists of distinguished alumni to try to take credit for their success. This is bunk. Harvard turns out successful alumni not necessarily because they create successful people, but because they pre-select out all the successful people before they enter the school.

But with that said, even if a school wants to take credit for all the successful alumni, shouldn't they also accept the blame for the unsuccessful ones? I think all college brochures should be required to list one infamous alumnus with every famous one.

Experience Harvard:

John Hancock, 1754
George W. Bush, '75
Henry David Thoreau, 1837
The Unabomber, '62
W.E.B. DuBois, 1890
Alger Hiss, '29
Natalie Portman, '03
Jonathan Taylor Thomas, '04

Now imagine if the Unabomber had gone to state school, which has a slightly lower proportion of stuffy Philips Academy grads. It might not even have a rowing team! He would have had fun eating ramen and playing frisbee and maybe wouldn't have blown so many people up. It all goes to show, you gotta find the right school for you.