Take Away My Credit Cards!

When I was a kid, I was always broke. Like, absolutely flat broke. I didn't get an allowance or anything, and I never got paid for doing chores, which were compulsory. I couldn't even skip lunch and save my lunch money because my parents made me bring my lunch to school. Mowing people's lawns was not an option because that work was already being filled in my neighborhood by a couple of brothers up the street, and crossing them would be like crossing the Mafia. A retarded, high school dropout Mafia...but I digress.

Anyway, I had to do without a lot of things I wanted really bad. And in the present day, when you mix a deprived youth with easy credit card access and eBay, well, you just take a look at the useless shit I can't stop buying (and how much I spent to acquire it).

The X-Files #1 - When I was in 7th grade and other boys were busy experimenting with vaginas, I was still 4'9" and at home watching the X-Files. In fact, I still do--I just downloaded an episode off iTunes yesterday to watch on the train. Anyway, this comic was underordered and sold out almost immediately, and before I knew it, it was worth like 50 bucks. Nobody cares about it now, so I was able to get it on the cheap. $15 (I'm 5'10" now, thank you very much.)

Atari Lynx - In 1989 when this sucker was released, I read about it in Boys' Life magazine (my favorite magazine at the time) and I drooled Olympic pool-sized puddles. But at $129, there was no way I was ever going to get my grubby hands on it--I didn't even get a Game Boy until a few years after that. $45

1992 Fleer Jumbo Box - People only ever bought 1992 Fleer jumbo packs for the "Rookie Sensations" insert set. But man, what an insert set! The Frank Thomas went for $50+ and the Jeff Bagwell and Ivan Rodriguez cards went for nearly as much. Now that the set is pretty much worthless, you can buy entire boxes on the cheap. And no, I didn't get a Thomas. Or a Bagwell. But I did pull TWO Todd Van Poppels. Ugh. $2.34

Sega Wondermega - I saw this in an issue of Popular Science in 1992. It's a combination Sega CD/Genesis from Japan, and I thought it was the coolest thing ever invented. Being made for the Japanese market, it natually has karaoke capability, and one of the neat things it can do is strip the vocals from any CD track you load on it, so sometimes when I'm drunk I fire it up and belt out Backstreet Boys discs. $385(!)

And I'm not done, oh no. I still want a complete Vehicle Voltron set: